19 Feb 1989
MY DILEMA – TO SPEAK OR NOT TO SPEAK IN SOUTH AFRICA
For the last few months I have been battling with a moral dilemma which I don’t expect most people I know ins SA would understand or have much sympathy with – which is whether to come and talk at a conference in SA or not.
It all started last year when Peter P put the idea in the head of a conference organise that they should run a conference on Women in Business, and get me to come and speak. I was telephone in the summer, and met the man concerned who was very positive. Initially I was excited, s it was a really interesting idea to return to my roots so to speak bringing the tablets of wisdom.
However, when in December the possibility because a probability I started having huge doubts. I told him originally that I would expect them to ensure that black women were able to attend, and this this would probably mean them finding sponsorship for this. He said they were often sponsored by firms. When I raised this again in December on the phone I was told that they planned the conference at Sun City so of course black people could attend, and one speaker would be the Soweto Business woman of the year. This however made me even more uncomfortable. How many black women were in senior enough positions for their organisations to pay for them to attend a 2 day event? And having one token black speaker certainly did not seem to me to be more than a token gesture aimed at making them able to claim the event was multiracial.
The more I thought about the situation the more unhappy I became. Geoffrey and I both decided separately some time back that we did not want to give the SA government the pleasure of saying tourism had not suffered, and that we did not want just to visit SA for this reason – unless of course there were family or personal reasons for feeling we should. It may sound a meaningless gesture, but what can one do in a situation over which one feels powerless, and yet implicated. I also do not buy SA fruit – but of course happily accept presents of it when you bring it. So, a very mixed up background against which to make a decision about the conference.
The arguments for going were of course that by doing so I might be able to influence things positively. But all the evidence shows that gestures like that are not going to change the course of history. But what was I doing accepting a free trip and putting myself in the hands of commercial conference organisers who would obviously want to create publicity around their key note speakers return to SA. And another consideration lurking in the background was the consequences for me professionally here if I went. I have broadened by scope here to take in issues of race and disability in employment, as well as women. But black people and people with disabilities feel strongly about able bodied white people muscling in on and issue when it starts becoming something which organisations will pay for (just as I am doubtful, until convinced otherwise, of men who suddenly get interested in women’s equality – why I wonder the sudden conversation? Could it be money? Black people who are politically aware in this country feel very strongly indeed about SA. It is a focus rightly or wrongly for their feelings about racism. Most see the only way forward as a complete boycott – easy for those who have no close connections there. If I decided to go , and talk to a mainly white audience, even if there were a few token blacks, I would have to be very sure in my own mind as to why I had done it, in order to explain to almost everyone I know here who would be antagonistic – both white or black – why I was doing so. And I found I couldn’t really do this. An ego trip for me was not a strong enough reason for this.
I went through ap hase of saying that if I accepted this invitation I could use it as an opportunity to see what I could do to help black women. And that by not accepting a fee I would be keeping my hands clean so to speak. But then I decided that I only cope with SA by keeping clear of it, and that I was not sure that I was ready to take on the load of a new cause, especially one so emotive.
However, meanwhile , before reaching this stage I had decided I must resolve the internal conflict. I couldn’t go on forever debating with myself, one day one way the next the other. So I said I would come. But I found did not resolve it and I still went on having agonies. So then I wrote to them suggesting that they consider running a conference for 5-/50 black white, by getting sponsorship for black women. I didn’t think they would actually manage this, but when through more soul searching as to whether if they said they would do this I would actually have to come. Anyway on Friday all was resolved at last by them faxing to say they could not do this, as it would make it a ‘racial, not womens’ event. Racial just to rry and get a mixture! Perhaps, I should have blown their minds by doing as G. suggested – to say the mix at the conference should reflect the mix in SA! Anyway now I contact them and say sorry, I cant therefore be their key note speaker.
Why an I going on like this is in order to show that my decision, which will I suspect seem illogical to you, has not been easy. However, I find that I feel at peace with myself. I have realised that by refusing the invitation I am not stopping toe possibility of getting involved in some event in SA, in a way and at a time that I feel happy about. There are some organisations which I could contact and arrange some sort of activity with, who would probably jump at the opportunity. So although you will nto see us in May, who knows, as I get physically stronger, it may not be that long before I do involve myself with something else in SA. And of course I will be fascinated to have news of the conference, to be held on May 11th and 12th.
15 AUGUST 1990
DROUGHT
I am starting this on a dull windy afternoon. This may not sound remarkable, but in this summer of 1990 it is. We actually had some rain last night – not much, but rain. I had given up the fight to keep the vegetables alive and producing – the French beans went into sort of arrested shock, and didn’t grow and didn’t die. We haven’t been able to use hosepipes for over a year, but as I couldn’t bear to get NO crop at all, I illegally tricked water on the vegetable for a few weeks (cans had only kept them alive, not really growing). Weve had some days of real heat – in the 90’s when even the cottage was unbearable with no breeze at all. One morning the temperature on the back wall was 112 (in the sun it is true, but still not something I would have expected to see in England.)
BUSY BUSY BUSY
When not demolished by the heat I have been very busy. I tendered for (and got) a contract to evaluate hoe the governments Career Development Loans scheme was working in banks, and as usual underestimated the amount of work. And as I had several other projects on things got too much. However if I hadn’t done it I would have regretted it. Wed done the research for them on the pilot scheme three years ago, so it was interesting to see how things have developed and grown. Geoffrey did quite a few of the interviews (complaining about work, and getting exhausted, but volunteering for more) and I had two other interviewers, but I had to do the report in the end. I await with anxiety their reactions – the draft report is in the hands of the DE economists amongst others who I fear will yet again expect me to answer unanswerable questions. LATER – their response has arrived, and surprise surprise is very positive and I only have to make minor additions.
Other projects on the go include research on Dual Career Families and International Mobility. I managed to get six multinationals to commission the research, and another three to take part. There are two parts – organisation and expatriation, and an employee (and I hope spouse) survey. I feel very guilts as it got so late because of the CDL survey. However I await the last reactions from organisations to the draft report of part one, and hope next week to draft the beginning and end, and get it off to them. What is interesting is that the issue is of importance for them to want to know what others are doing. The answer is very little substantive, but a lot of tentative action, and concern. Unfortunately, less interest in what their employees think and have experienced, or perhaps more fear about unearthing nasties and not knowing how to react. I think I may have to go ahead with the second part, the survey on an even less economic basis than the first. But how do you develop policies if you don’t know what people want?
Other bits of work are feasibility study for the University of Bradford who want to set up a Womens Engineering Centre. And the British part of a 4 country bibliography for a European institution on eo for women.
I am still involved in Women in Enterprise. Fascinating experience trying to keep a voluntary underfunded organisation going. In spite of everything it flourishes, with about 1000 members. I am also now on the Institute of Personnel Managements Equal opportunities Committee. Quite a few of us feel the priority is to clean up the IPM first. It espouses EO but operates in a mafia like way. I think we could have fun. But what is apparent is that power lies in the hands of those with time on their hands. If you get to committee meetings you can (marginally) influence what goes on. If not then not. And as we are all unpaid, we may take a long time to get anywhere, unless we become IPM committee habituees as we find others are. But could one stand it?
AUSTRALIA TRIP (26 OCT – 4 DEC)
Exciting news is that we are off to Australia. G has wanted to go for some time. So I said we couldn’t go on talking about it forever. And today I heard we were booked. All airliners offer a stop over. So we are going Thai Airlines, stopping off in Bangkok for a few days, and returning via Delhi for a few days (I have wanted to go to India for a long time). We fly into Cairns (Great Barrier Reef) , only Sydney, and end up in Perth. Probably also Melbourne and maybe Adelaide. Abd I fancy a few days on a farm – agencies organise these. Leave Friday 26th October, and return Tuesday 4 December. Just hope it wont be too hot!
I AM GETTING BETTER
So you can see I am still getting better. Can do quite a lot although I still get tired, and at times forget my limitations. G busy with consultancy for London docklands corporation, building a model boat, gardening, in spite of a lot of pain from his ankle. And now a bad back from a fall he had a few weeks ago.
My disability management at work project with City University continues. I have managed to extricate myself (almost) from the training aspect. It is really taking off which is marvellous – the third aspect of organisations equal opportunity policies, after race and gender – and are we having to look for other trainers to cope with the growing number of requests for in house training, as well as very well subscribed CU courses. As usual however we have problems finding people with knowledge of and feelings for organisation issues, which is particularly important for the in house training so sometimes get drawn into that, as at the BBC and BP and Midland Bank. Pity I don’t like training as that is where the easy money is. So I continue to codirect the research, and plan dissemination and help find future funding. Have got an Anglo German conference in Hamburg next month, which unfortunately I have to prepare a paper for, heaven along knows when.
I organised another Angleo German Conference in Boon in April on EO developments for women in local government. It went reasonable well, and I got very good small group o fNritish people to go. But now I have to decide whether to accept the ridiculously small amount of money being offered to help my German co organiser get a publication together. I expect I will, but wonder when I will find the time.
Another ongoing interesting but not very lucrative bit of work is a secretarial development project I managed to get off the ground and which I am managing. I was asked last year by the training Agency to carry out a feasibility study to see if there was a group of organisations interested in putting in to the Agency for funding to carry out work to develop a strategy which could result in development career paths for secretaries to enable them to move into other jobs. I didn’t exactly find organisations falling over themselves to participate, and put in much extra unpaid work before deciding it really was impossible. And then suddenly found I had three participators, the minimum number required. So I have British Airways, WH Smith and Reed employment (a secretarial agency) working together with the hep of TA funding for a year to develop secretarial training and career structures. It is all potentially very exciting as the idea is to publicise what they are doing in order to encourage others. I must find time to get the dissemination going, and encourage them. BA in particular is doing really interesting things and committing large resources.
I corrected a lot of what was above, but as the computer is doing such funny things, it is all lost so I won’t try again. Hopefully I don’t loose the lot.
MOVING INTO THE 1990’s
A Fox, a CD and Central Heating
The first is that I have acquired a fax – seemed to be becoming sortr of obligatory -if you haven’t one it could be soon like not having a phone. Im running it from the current Sussex number at the moment, so can only receive when someone is here to switch it over. But it is useful, and of course fun.
Second is that we have succumbed to CD. I have hankered after something I could play music on, and not mess up for ages, but with a best record collection it seemed terrible to start again. However, as our records are in such a mess that we seldom play them, we bought a few weeks ago, a portable player. What an experience. I knew the sound from CD’s was good, but to sit holding a little box in your hand and listen through the headphones is quite an extraordinary sensation. If you have never listened through headphones, DO. Because you can run through batteries in days, we now have a mains adaptor, and one for the cigar lighter in the car, so we travel back and forth with lots of cords and paraphanalia. But there are cheap CD’s around which are excellent, including some from East Europe.
Our third move is to be getting central heating put in at the cottage. It feels disloyal to the Rayburn, but after the joy of returning to a warm flat since we put it in there on a seven day timer, I can live with disloyalty. Lots of technical things to be sorted out, like where we put the gas cylinders (no gas in the village, so will have to build a little house on the front terrace). But I think the decision has virtually been made.
